This is really what I wanted the title of my book to be. It isn't though, so I can post it on my blog. Getting on your knees could imply more than one meaning. It does here as well. lol Don't get me wrong I know that religion and sex are on the "do not talk about list." That makes me want to to talk about it even more. I am getting to the point of this whole process where I realize that everyone isn't going to like what I have to say. Each time I post something I will get an email or 2 or 10 telling me to stop writing my book. The visits from my conservative, religious, closed-minded friends aren't really stopping me either. I was totally brainwashed and I want people to know that life is much more than singing hymns and going to church 7 days a week.
So as I said before getting on your knees could have more than one meaning. I will go the good girl route first and tell you where I am coming from. I think people are getting the impression that I think god is bad and I don't think people should go to church. That actually isn't what I think at all. I don't really get into organized religion. I don't buy into it is this way or you are damned to hell. I do however think that faith is important. I don't think we as humans could survive without some sort of faith in something. My point is who am I to decide that for you. The background that I come from they would make every decision for me. I mean every decision. I think what I learned about myself is that it is much easier to conform then to have a different view on things. I would have probably moved into my old church if I would have been allowed to. This is no joke, I loved being there. I was so caught up in loving god that I would judge everyone around me and honestly I wasn't very nice. Not that I am nice now (haha) I guess if people think I am mean now it is because I don't like any sort of bullshit. I realize that we will always have stupid shit in our lives, but if I detect more than there should be I can be very blunt. So, I guess getting on your knees in this case is really just a representation of prayer to what or who you pray to. I don't think there is a thing wrong with it. I am just not going to have any group tell me how think anymore or who I need to pray to.
The other kind of getting on your knees is exactly what you think it is. The dirty bad girl or boy (because everyone knows that I hang out with boys more then girls) sort of way. This is where my haters will start sending me messages. Those from my past think talking about a blow job is damnation to hell. Well, if talking about it is going to send me to hell. What about actually doing it? Is there something worse then hell? I used to be so shy and wouldn't even say the word shit. So, those who know me from both sides of the world so to speak are a little shocked when I talk. I really don't mean to shock people, but I have found certain subjects are just so taboo. I learned from a friend/mentor of mine who is already an author not to change who I am because people might not like me or might not get me. She said that I shouldn't give a fuck if people are offended that I have enjoyed sex with strippers. She also said if more people would talk about what they enjoy more people would be satisfied. I love her because no matter how crazy or out there my idea is she is fully supportive. Everyone needs a mentor like mine. It makes life a lot more interesting.
March 25, 2010
March 19, 2010
Sometimes You Might Not Like What You See When You Look In The Mirror
The blog title has nothing to do with physical attributes is has to do with who we are on the inside. Actually, who we are at the core. It has nothing to do with how pretty, smart, and skinny we are. The blog will also explain why I took a couple of week break from it. (time had some to do with it, but really I just needed a mental break)
This blog is also in response to a really nice email I got from someone who follows my blog and asked where I have been. The number one thing that I have realized in writing a book the excitement really does wear off. Since, I am not finished with the book I am not sure if this is a permanent feeling or just a rough patch. There comes a lot more pressure and I am responsible to report to people. It is a little scary if the work isn't done and I need to give it to them. I am all for hard work, so that part doesn't bother me. It is the balance thing. I want to have a "life" and spend time with my loved ones. I am still working my career job, and I know at this point every spare moment should be spent working on my book. I am someone who is usually balanced. I have great times with my friends and family, but lately in the back of mind I know time is ticking for deadlines. I am someone who holds a great value in relationships with my close friends and those who are close to me are very supportive. I am just not used to feeling this way.
The other reason I haven't been blogging is because I felt like I was losing myself in the process. That might not make sense to some people, but I will explain. I now have a whole different persona "Becky The Book Girl." What is funny about this is that when you are in the business to sell a product or even more then that yourself to get fans to buy your book it is very easy to lose who you are and get wrapped up in that. I think I sort of lost "Kelly" in the process. The thing is that I have a friend who doesn't sell books, but promotes a whole different world. I would get so irritated listening to all the made up bullshit. Looking at it now, I thought it was being completely false and I found myself doing the same thing. Really, listening to this person was really just listening to myself. I go back to the balance thing who is Kelly and who is Becky the Book Girl? I do believe people come into our lives for a reason and I just was upset with myself that I was judging someone for being dishonest and I was doing the exact same thing. In most businesses you have to promote yourself, but it is a fine balancing act to not lose who you are in the process. So that is why I haven't been blogging. I want this experience to to fun and something I look forward to. I think I am back on track and ready to be silly as ever.
This blog is also in response to a really nice email I got from someone who follows my blog and asked where I have been. The number one thing that I have realized in writing a book the excitement really does wear off. Since, I am not finished with the book I am not sure if this is a permanent feeling or just a rough patch. There comes a lot more pressure and I am responsible to report to people. It is a little scary if the work isn't done and I need to give it to them. I am all for hard work, so that part doesn't bother me. It is the balance thing. I want to have a "life" and spend time with my loved ones. I am still working my career job, and I know at this point every spare moment should be spent working on my book. I am someone who is usually balanced. I have great times with my friends and family, but lately in the back of mind I know time is ticking for deadlines. I am someone who holds a great value in relationships with my close friends and those who are close to me are very supportive. I am just not used to feeling this way.
The other reason I haven't been blogging is because I felt like I was losing myself in the process. That might not make sense to some people, but I will explain. I now have a whole different persona "Becky The Book Girl." What is funny about this is that when you are in the business to sell a product or even more then that yourself to get fans to buy your book it is very easy to lose who you are and get wrapped up in that. I think I sort of lost "Kelly" in the process. The thing is that I have a friend who doesn't sell books, but promotes a whole different world. I would get so irritated listening to all the made up bullshit. Looking at it now, I thought it was being completely false and I found myself doing the same thing. Really, listening to this person was really just listening to myself. I go back to the balance thing who is Kelly and who is Becky the Book Girl? I do believe people come into our lives for a reason and I just was upset with myself that I was judging someone for being dishonest and I was doing the exact same thing. In most businesses you have to promote yourself, but it is a fine balancing act to not lose who you are in the process. So that is why I haven't been blogging. I want this experience to to fun and something I look forward to. I think I am back on track and ready to be silly as ever.
March 5, 2010
Lady Emotions Suck Major Ass
I have had a hard time "feeling inspired" lately. The part about it that bothers me so much is that I have been extremely emotional lately. It's really not my thing to cry about shit. It is not because I think I am a bad ass with no heart. It is because I just make other people feel uncomfortable when I do cry. Let me first say that "lady emotions" has nothing to do with that time of the month. People seem to think that is what I am talking about. I actually took the phrase from one of my gay boys. I am not exactly sure what started it all, but I was just in a funk for a few days. (which seemed like a few weeks)
I think one thing that didn't help was that I had to interview some people for my book. Most of the interviews went great and were a lot of fun. One interview was very uncomfortable and I was a little shocked about it. I felt like the interview that was uncomfortable was several years of frustration and jealousy that came out. Thankfully I have the final say and that mess won't be in the book. I do want other people's perspective in my book, but I think that my whole book has a light hearted fun tone. The interview wasn't fun to say the least. I also think what started the in interview off on the wrong foot is the person I interviewed said they have "feelings" for someone in my past. GROSS!!
On the positive side of things I did get to go to Penny Arcade's book reading and she is simply an amazing person. I walked away thinking she is the type of person I want to be. I think we really never stop changing or evolving, but Penny is so laid back and so supportive of any artist or writer in my case. She gave me so many good ideas. I just need to try them and see how it goes. Things are looking more exciting and it was only a few days I felt "emotional" so hopefully things will keep moving in the right direction.
I think one thing that didn't help was that I had to interview some people for my book. Most of the interviews went great and were a lot of fun. One interview was very uncomfortable and I was a little shocked about it. I felt like the interview that was uncomfortable was several years of frustration and jealousy that came out. Thankfully I have the final say and that mess won't be in the book. I do want other people's perspective in my book, but I think that my whole book has a light hearted fun tone. The interview wasn't fun to say the least. I also think what started the in interview off on the wrong foot is the person I interviewed said they have "feelings" for someone in my past. GROSS!!
On the positive side of things I did get to go to Penny Arcade's book reading and she is simply an amazing person. I walked away thinking she is the type of person I want to be. I think we really never stop changing or evolving, but Penny is so laid back and so supportive of any artist or writer in my case. She gave me so many good ideas. I just need to try them and see how it goes. Things are looking more exciting and it was only a few days I felt "emotional" so hopefully things will keep moving in the right direction.
February 24, 2010
Is His Business Going To Hang To Low?
I think this has been a week of questions. I have been asking myself and other people a lot of them. Some of my questions are politically correct some are not. Recently, I went shopping for my best friends birthday. Now, having a guy best friend is a bit different then having a girl best friend. We really aren't that into giving each other gifts not because we don't care about each other. It is because we spend a lot of time together and that usually ends up being a lot of $ as well. I would take the great times and lots of laughs (sometimes trouble usually my fault when that happens) over gift giving any day! The past 6 months since I have had to take the book deal more serious and have traveled a lot more he has done a lot for me. He has taken care of my apartment and my kitty Olive. So, I wanted to do a little something just to say thanks. Well, the truth is that I see him mostly in his underwear because of his job so I thought that would be a good choice for a gift. Well, I went online first... damn there are more styles of mens underwear than womens. So, I walked to the store in my neighborhood that sell man panties. I walked in a little educated about what I wanted. Anyway, the sales person was very nice, but trying to sell me these absolutely horrible underwear. They were way to girly. The amount of styles was a bit overwhelming. I finally found one that I liked and I said not realizing how loud I was talking "is this one going to make his business hang too low?" Not only did the sales clerk laugh at me so did the man trying on clothes in the fitting room. At that moment I got really hot and I know that I turned bright red. I also wanted the floor to have a trap door and I wanted to fall in it. I thought my question was legitimate. It bothers me when men wear underwear that don't hold their business in place. It is sort of like a woman wearing a bra with no elastic. What's the point. So, when he wears the new underwear you all better tip him well because I embarrassed myself and can't show my face in the store ever again. I am sure I will see those people out and about and they will laugh at me.
February 14, 2010
Valentine's Day Is A Bit Much As Far As I am Concerned
Ok I know that sounds negative, but it takes a lot more than one day of the year to give a card and proclaim your love to your significant other. I also think that is just another day to throw in the faces of those who are single that they are in fact alone on another holiday.
I personally couldn't be happier in my relationship with my partner. He is a really nice guy and treats me beyond well. I guess the problem with me is that I am not a "let's talk about our feelings and emotions" girl. I have never been and at this point I probably never will. It is more or less a take it or leave it type of deal with me. I have a very few people in my life that know how I "feel", but for the most part why bother. Love to me is a simple concept and it is usually outside influences that destroy good relationships. There is always someone who thinks that they know what you should do, who you should date, or who you should be friends with. Fuck that, do what you want and love who you want is the way I see it.
I really do think valentine's day is a bit much. You really think that if you are an asshole all the time and you buy your partner a box of chocolates and a card that means you aren't an asshole anymore? Please you are still an asshole.
I personally couldn't be happier in my relationship with my partner. He is a really nice guy and treats me beyond well. I guess the problem with me is that I am not a "let's talk about our feelings and emotions" girl. I have never been and at this point I probably never will. It is more or less a take it or leave it type of deal with me. I have a very few people in my life that know how I "feel", but for the most part why bother. Love to me is a simple concept and it is usually outside influences that destroy good relationships. There is always someone who thinks that they know what you should do, who you should date, or who you should be friends with. Fuck that, do what you want and love who you want is the way I see it.
I really do think valentine's day is a bit much. You really think that if you are an asshole all the time and you buy your partner a box of chocolates and a card that means you aren't an asshole anymore? Please you are still an asshole.
February 13, 2010
The Book Girl Is Getting Restless
I think this winter has taken a toll on my state of mind. I have lived in the Midwest my entire life. This winter hasn't been anything out of the ordinary, but I am just not enjoying it anymore. It seems like all I can focus on is my next trip to California or what is next. It sometimes takes those who are in my close circle of friends to pull me back in and remind me that everything will fall into place when it is suppose to. I wouldn't say it is an unhappy feeling more of I want to move on to the next phase of my life and the book isn't finished. I live my life for the most part as I have stated before as happy as possible.
I feel like I need to shake things up a little or I am going to continue to have this feeling. The last time I had this feeling I moved to Chicago and I didn't know a single person here. I am not sure if that is the answer, but I will figure it out.
A small update on the book. I have been working hard on getting things done. I have a few deadlines coming up so we will see how that goes. I am excited because I have two central characters that are going to interview me for my book. This will be a conversation more than an actual interview. It should be a lot of fun. Hopefully, it will be entertaining. Those conversations will of course be recorded and then the California team work their magic. All in all the book is going great.
I feel like I need to shake things up a little or I am going to continue to have this feeling. The last time I had this feeling I moved to Chicago and I didn't know a single person here. I am not sure if that is the answer, but I will figure it out.
A small update on the book. I have been working hard on getting things done. I have a few deadlines coming up so we will see how that goes. I am excited because I have two central characters that are going to interview me for my book. This will be a conversation more than an actual interview. It should be a lot of fun. Hopefully, it will be entertaining. Those conversations will of course be recorded and then the California team work their magic. All in all the book is going great.
February 4, 2010
Pills, Pimps, and Pole Dancers
So before I really talk about the real reason I decided to blog today, I thought I would give a brief update on my trip to California. I think if I could rate this trip on the star system...I would give it 5 out of 5 stars. The funny thing is that I was sick the entire time I was there. I left LA this time thinking we are really on to something with this book. I have been excited about this project since the beginning, but now I know that I am doing what I need to be doing. Writing is not easy for me. So, I have to be very disciplined to set time out just for the book. We spent several hours over the course of 4 days working through ideas and very detailed character descriptions. Despite the fever and horrible head cold I had the trip was a total success. Like I said before the sky is the limit!!
Now, on to the other reason that I decided to blog today. Something has been bothering me a little and I decided to just put it out there. I was out and about in the recent past and found myself feeling like I was in the twilight zone. Maybe because I was completely sober and it takes several cocktails to tolerate people anymore. It was more then being drunk. I felt like every person out that night was fucked up on some sort of drugs. I pass no judgement on any sort of drug use, but this was off the charts. To each their own, but seriously is everyone totally fucked up all the time. Even people who proclaim to never touch the stuff seemed like were so high that I couldn't imagine them getting in car and actually driving home like that.
I honestly don't care what people do. At least be responsible about it. I have been crazy drunk before and by no means is this to point the finger at anyone. I guess I just don't get it. Drunk is one thing out of your mind is another. I know people probably think this is a anti drug and alcohol message it isn't that. It is just me venting about people using their brain. People who I would say I have respect for just sucked that night! That's all!!
Now, on to the other reason that I decided to blog today. Something has been bothering me a little and I decided to just put it out there. I was out and about in the recent past and found myself feeling like I was in the twilight zone. Maybe because I was completely sober and it takes several cocktails to tolerate people anymore. It was more then being drunk. I felt like every person out that night was fucked up on some sort of drugs. I pass no judgement on any sort of drug use, but this was off the charts. To each their own, but seriously is everyone totally fucked up all the time. Even people who proclaim to never touch the stuff seemed like were so high that I couldn't imagine them getting in car and actually driving home like that.
I honestly don't care what people do. At least be responsible about it. I have been crazy drunk before and by no means is this to point the finger at anyone. I guess I just don't get it. Drunk is one thing out of your mind is another. I know people probably think this is a anti drug and alcohol message it isn't that. It is just me venting about people using their brain. People who I would say I have respect for just sucked that night! That's all!!
January 26, 2010
No More Frozen Hoo Hoo.. I Am California Bound
It has been few days since I have been on here, but I am so happy I am going to California for a few days. I always get excited to go to California. I get to work with some of the smartest people I have ever met. I love the feeling of leaving knowing that I learned something. I wouldn't say that it is a mentor/student thing. It is more like a group of peers that want to see this book succeed. I feel like I am one lucky person to have these amazing people in my life.
I have met some very interesting people in Chicago in the last week and appreciate the great conversation that came out of meeting them. I felt I got even more inspired to keep writing and make an even better book. I never realized how many people come from crazy religious backgrounds. I love sharing stories and experiences. I have really tried to open my mind when I have a conversation to realize that everyone has a story. Those stories really define who we are and where we are going.
I am so excited to work on the book, but I am also excited to get out of this freezing weather. I can't stand the winter weather. I know there is not a heat wave, but 70 degrees is better than 18 degrees. I am looking forward to posting what I learn and experience while I am in Los Angeles. I am sure there will be some great stories. I will take a few pics this time since I didn't take any last time. Chat with you all soon.
I have met some very interesting people in Chicago in the last week and appreciate the great conversation that came out of meeting them. I felt I got even more inspired to keep writing and make an even better book. I never realized how many people come from crazy religious backgrounds. I love sharing stories and experiences. I have really tried to open my mind when I have a conversation to realize that everyone has a story. Those stories really define who we are and where we are going.
I am so excited to work on the book, but I am also excited to get out of this freezing weather. I can't stand the winter weather. I know there is not a heat wave, but 70 degrees is better than 18 degrees. I am looking forward to posting what I learn and experience while I am in Los Angeles. I am sure there will be some great stories. I will take a few pics this time since I didn't take any last time. Chat with you all soon.
January 20, 2010
Let's Skip The Date And Just Have Sex
First, I have to say that this blog title came from my friend Michael after hours of laughter over our horrible dating experiences. I won't share names of those we dated or those who never even made it that far. Let's face it dating sucks and people act like they are someone they aren't on a date or they act like they are from another planet.
I guess what really started me thinking about how much I hate dating is when I started talking about a blind date I was set up on. I realized from that moment on I could live the rest of my life without going on another date. Just to clarify I did not say I didn't want to be in a relationship this post is only about dating. There is a huge difference. So, back to the blind date... my friend at the time said she had the perfect guy for me so I thought what the hell. I wasn't "dating" anyone at the time so I said ok. Since, I had never met the person in my life we decided to go on a double date. The 3 of them were already friends so they came to my place to pick me up. I know this is going to sound caddy, they arrived at my door and I was like ok this is interesting. Not really my type physically, but I will give it a try. So, we decided to go to a bar in my neighborhood before dinner. Not only was he not really my cup of tea. He was probably one of the most boring and hard to talk to people I have ever met. I had to make a decision at that point of what to do. It was a little late to fake an illness so I decided I would get as drunk as possible hoping that it would just go better. Well, not so much I was drunk alright. We left the bar to go to dinner. I walk out into the street and get hit by a cab. I probably would have been hurt really bad had it not been for all the cocktails. lol It wasn't what I had in mind for getting out of the date, but it sure as shit worked. Mark my word that will be my first and last blind date I will ever go on.
There is so much more about dating that is horrible. What about the people that you go on a date with that seem perfectly normal at first. You go on a couple of dates then they think that they need to call or text you every 5 minutes. I'm not really into stalkers after 2 dates.
I also appreciate going on dates with people that seem perfectly normal and once you are at dinner and show any interest they find the need to tell you that they are in love with you and you haven't even ordered your drink or appetizer. Please, what the fuck is wrong with people. There is another extreme to that, what about the people who ask you to "hang out" or go to dinner who already had multiple partners at home that didn't know that they were asking people out on dates.
I'm not sure why dating needs to be so stupid. I compare stories with people and I am not the only one. I think dating should be fun. I have been bringing up this subject on occasion just to get other people's take on dating and I have heard some crazy dating stories. It seems like dating has turned into a mess. What ever happened to going out and having a good time.
My favorite reaction to the whole dating thing was Michael. He didn't seem to like dating any more than me. His philosophy simple... "Let's skip the date and just have sex." haha!!
I guess what really started me thinking about how much I hate dating is when I started talking about a blind date I was set up on. I realized from that moment on I could live the rest of my life without going on another date. Just to clarify I did not say I didn't want to be in a relationship this post is only about dating. There is a huge difference. So, back to the blind date... my friend at the time said she had the perfect guy for me so I thought what the hell. I wasn't "dating" anyone at the time so I said ok. Since, I had never met the person in my life we decided to go on a double date. The 3 of them were already friends so they came to my place to pick me up. I know this is going to sound caddy, they arrived at my door and I was like ok this is interesting. Not really my type physically, but I will give it a try. So, we decided to go to a bar in my neighborhood before dinner. Not only was he not really my cup of tea. He was probably one of the most boring and hard to talk to people I have ever met. I had to make a decision at that point of what to do. It was a little late to fake an illness so I decided I would get as drunk as possible hoping that it would just go better. Well, not so much I was drunk alright. We left the bar to go to dinner. I walk out into the street and get hit by a cab. I probably would have been hurt really bad had it not been for all the cocktails. lol It wasn't what I had in mind for getting out of the date, but it sure as shit worked. Mark my word that will be my first and last blind date I will ever go on.
There is so much more about dating that is horrible. What about the people that you go on a date with that seem perfectly normal at first. You go on a couple of dates then they think that they need to call or text you every 5 minutes. I'm not really into stalkers after 2 dates.
I also appreciate going on dates with people that seem perfectly normal and once you are at dinner and show any interest they find the need to tell you that they are in love with you and you haven't even ordered your drink or appetizer. Please, what the fuck is wrong with people. There is another extreme to that, what about the people who ask you to "hang out" or go to dinner who already had multiple partners at home that didn't know that they were asking people out on dates.
I'm not sure why dating needs to be so stupid. I compare stories with people and I am not the only one. I think dating should be fun. I have been bringing up this subject on occasion just to get other people's take on dating and I have heard some crazy dating stories. It seems like dating has turned into a mess. What ever happened to going out and having a good time.
My favorite reaction to the whole dating thing was Michael. He didn't seem to like dating any more than me. His philosophy simple... "Let's skip the date and just have sex." haha!!
January 17, 2010
Slut Or Cunt...
There are a couple of words that we use all the time. Well, if you have a foul mouth like me you do. I find both the word slut and cunt very interesting. I have my thoughts and views on both words. I often find them very funny and yes I have been called both. I also use both words.
First, what is slut? Why is it usually only a word used toward a woman? Is it bad to be a slut? The best definition of a slut is someone who is sexually promiscuous. Typically referring to women. I have stated many times before that I think women can be ruthless bitches and by no means is this post because I am some feminist that think only women rule the world. I think there is a need for both sexes, and frankly the world boring without men. Women are considered sluts if they sleep around and men are considered cool. What? Women are sluts if there clothes are too tight and skirts are too short and men are just considered to have made a bad wardrobe choice. What the fuck? Sluts are sluts... if you are sexually promiscuous you are sexually promiscuous. It doesn't matter if you have a penis or a vagina. Is it bad to be a slut? Who decides what is right or wrong anyway? Who decides what moral compass we should follow? I think those are just rhetorical questions I have been asking myself lately. The questions are probably less about being a slut and more about who makes the rules we follow sexually. Is it the church we belong to (just to clarify I do not belong to a church), our parents, god, our friends that decide the morals we follow? I frankly believe our morals come from a combination of all or some of the above. I also want to point out that I am not suggesting to go out and be crazy and have unprotected sex. I think everything should be safe. I am saying that I think a lot of who we are is decided by other people's values. What makes their values right for you or me?
Now, I am going to talk about the word cunt! As one have my favorite gay boys said "cunts are nasty." lol I am not saying that they are but it is another word used toward woman in a negative way. I wonder again if guys can be cunts. I realize the true definition of a cunt is referring to a woman's genitalia. Now, with that alone it probably shouldn't be used toward men. In the everyday world we use it to say that someone is being more than just a bitch. Now, I know a lot guys and yes they can be cunts as well. I actually hate the word, but sometimes it is the best description for people that are rude ignorant assholes. I know when I am really pissed at another woman I will use the word cunt and you know that it is serious business. I am not saying it is right I am saying it just gets the point across. It is like a secret code when a woman says it to another woman to "back the fuck up bitch" by just using one word. I have decided that I am going to just start saying asshole when I am pissed and not worry about the gender of the person. lol
First, what is slut? Why is it usually only a word used toward a woman? Is it bad to be a slut? The best definition of a slut is someone who is sexually promiscuous. Typically referring to women. I have stated many times before that I think women can be ruthless bitches and by no means is this post because I am some feminist that think only women rule the world. I think there is a need for both sexes, and frankly the world boring without men. Women are considered sluts if they sleep around and men are considered cool. What? Women are sluts if there clothes are too tight and skirts are too short and men are just considered to have made a bad wardrobe choice. What the fuck? Sluts are sluts... if you are sexually promiscuous you are sexually promiscuous. It doesn't matter if you have a penis or a vagina. Is it bad to be a slut? Who decides what is right or wrong anyway? Who decides what moral compass we should follow? I think those are just rhetorical questions I have been asking myself lately. The questions are probably less about being a slut and more about who makes the rules we follow sexually. Is it the church we belong to (just to clarify I do not belong to a church), our parents, god, our friends that decide the morals we follow? I frankly believe our morals come from a combination of all or some of the above. I also want to point out that I am not suggesting to go out and be crazy and have unprotected sex. I think everything should be safe. I am saying that I think a lot of who we are is decided by other people's values. What makes their values right for you or me?
Now, I am going to talk about the word cunt! As one have my favorite gay boys said "cunts are nasty." lol I am not saying that they are but it is another word used toward woman in a negative way. I wonder again if guys can be cunts. I realize the true definition of a cunt is referring to a woman's genitalia. Now, with that alone it probably shouldn't be used toward men. In the everyday world we use it to say that someone is being more than just a bitch. Now, I know a lot guys and yes they can be cunts as well. I actually hate the word, but sometimes it is the best description for people that are rude ignorant assholes. I know when I am really pissed at another woman I will use the word cunt and you know that it is serious business. I am not saying it is right I am saying it just gets the point across. It is like a secret code when a woman says it to another woman to "back the fuck up bitch" by just using one word. I have decided that I am going to just start saying asshole when I am pissed and not worry about the gender of the person. lol
January 8, 2010
You Need To Take Them For A Test Ride Before You Pick The Right Model
Get your mind out of the gutter. For once am not talking about a penis. I am actually talking about the bike I want for the triathlon. I think I have the expensive beauty all picked out. I just have to wait until the weather gets better and take my top 3 choices out for a test ride. I never realized how many styles of bikes that are out there. The colors alone are too much. I think a pretty pink bike with a basket in the front would be great. Just kidding, I will probably just get a black bike.
I haven't really shared much about my trip home at Christmas, but a couple of funny things happened. First, my mom bought me new cookware. That seems like a nice gift right? I love the gift, but cooking not so much. It isn't that I can't cook. I just don't enjoy it. It seems like a big mess for 15 minutes of enjoyment that leads to another mess. I live in a really small apartment and I think I will pass. My mom asked me yesterday if I enjoyed my new cookware and my response was I will let you know when you visit me and cook something.
I also got a lot of new computer equipment for xmas. I actually really needed it to make the book process go even better. I got a new web cam and it is still in the package. I think I am possibly I little scared to install it to my computer. The reason I got it is because after I get back from California I will have a weekly video conference with the ghost writer and editor. I keep getting asked if the web cam is going to lead to a new career and more chapters in the book. Maybe that is my fear. Who knows, but it is still in the package three weeks later. It is really nice to. That is the perks of having a sister and brother-in-law that own a computer store. I think having my mom ask me everyday if she is going to see my naked ass on the Internet is what is keeping me from even dealing with it. lol
Just a couple of weeks and I will be Los Angeles doing what I love. Working on my book. I am at a very happy point in my life. I couldn't ask for anything else. Of course, I don't want to stop growing as a person. I am just really enjoying the whole adventure. It really is an adventure.
I haven't really shared much about my trip home at Christmas, but a couple of funny things happened. First, my mom bought me new cookware. That seems like a nice gift right? I love the gift, but cooking not so much. It isn't that I can't cook. I just don't enjoy it. It seems like a big mess for 15 minutes of enjoyment that leads to another mess. I live in a really small apartment and I think I will pass. My mom asked me yesterday if I enjoyed my new cookware and my response was I will let you know when you visit me and cook something.
I also got a lot of new computer equipment for xmas. I actually really needed it to make the book process go even better. I got a new web cam and it is still in the package. I think I am possibly I little scared to install it to my computer. The reason I got it is because after I get back from California I will have a weekly video conference with the ghost writer and editor. I keep getting asked if the web cam is going to lead to a new career and more chapters in the book. Maybe that is my fear. Who knows, but it is still in the package three weeks later. It is really nice to. That is the perks of having a sister and brother-in-law that own a computer store. I think having my mom ask me everyday if she is going to see my naked ass on the Internet is what is keeping me from even dealing with it. lol
Just a couple of weeks and I will be Los Angeles doing what I love. Working on my book. I am at a very happy point in my life. I couldn't ask for anything else. Of course, I don't want to stop growing as a person. I am just really enjoying the whole adventure. It really is an adventure.
January 6, 2010
You Walk With The Lord I Walk With My Friends To The Strip Club
Sometimes the people we encounter are very interesting that make you think. I recently had a conversation with someone about my blog and this person mentioned that my blog is a bit controversial. At first I thought that wasn't true. I thought I am really kind of boring and just live my life. Then I thought about it a little more and I do talk about things that are kind of cliche' and "forbidden" to talk about.
I have decided from the beginning of the entire book writing process that I would be true to myself and talk about what I want. I also know people might think that makes me a bit crazy. Aren't we all a little crazy anyway? I have found a couple of my friends aren't really that supportive of me just putting stuff out there and not wanting me to push the limits. I think there is some confusion. My whole book pushes the limit. The book is going to be brilliant when it is finished. The blog is different it is an outlet to share my thoughts, get ideas, and just keep it real.
I have a particular friend who thinks that I should apologize for who I am and what my book is about. I won't do that. That is the funny part about people they think they live such a better life and really all they do is judge and look down on other people. I will not now or ever apologize for who I am and what I did in the past or what I am doing now.
My book will talk about god, religion, sex, heart break, and many other things that people think are off limits. I will never live my life thinking that things are off limits. I spent too many years brainwashed and god crazy so now that I realize the world actually exists I will talk about whatever I want. That may seem cocky it really just means I am confident. I have the right people supporting me and that is what is important. So, if you want to judge that is ok. I will continue to be true to myself. If that means me going to the strip club and talking about it then so be it. At least I don't walk around thinking I am better than I am or someone I am not. I have a full understanding of who I am.
I have decided from the beginning of the entire book writing process that I would be true to myself and talk about what I want. I also know people might think that makes me a bit crazy. Aren't we all a little crazy anyway? I have found a couple of my friends aren't really that supportive of me just putting stuff out there and not wanting me to push the limits. I think there is some confusion. My whole book pushes the limit. The book is going to be brilliant when it is finished. The blog is different it is an outlet to share my thoughts, get ideas, and just keep it real.
I have a particular friend who thinks that I should apologize for who I am and what my book is about. I won't do that. That is the funny part about people they think they live such a better life and really all they do is judge and look down on other people. I will not now or ever apologize for who I am and what I did in the past or what I am doing now.
My book will talk about god, religion, sex, heart break, and many other things that people think are off limits. I will never live my life thinking that things are off limits. I spent too many years brainwashed and god crazy so now that I realize the world actually exists I will talk about whatever I want. That may seem cocky it really just means I am confident. I have the right people supporting me and that is what is important. So, if you want to judge that is ok. I will continue to be true to myself. If that means me going to the strip club and talking about it then so be it. At least I don't walk around thinking I am better than I am or someone I am not. I have a full understanding of who I am.
January 3, 2010
Fuck Clearly Wasn't The Right Choice
As I said before I don't believe in New Years Resolutions. If I need to fix something I need to fix it. I shouldn't wait. I realize as human beings that we always need to better ourselves. I said in the post before this one I wanted to stop saying "fuck" so much. Forget it...I can't do it.lol At one minute after the new year rang in I looked at my very drunk friend and said "you are a drunk mess you need to fucking go home." I have been drunk plenty of times, but this was another level. So, I will continue to work on not drinking soda and training for the triathlon. Fuck is back in my vocabulary. lol
I am going to switch gears and share something that is a little more serious. I probably should have made this a different post. I have been reading a lot of posts on FB and other people's blogs and just in general listening to people. It is sad to listen to all the unhappy people. I don't mean that in a rude way, but there are a lot of unhappy people out there. I guess I am really lucky because I am normally pretty happy. I have my struggles every day like everyone, but over all I wake up looking forward to life. Even people I consider very close to me that post that they want to be happy in 2010. I sometimes think either I am living in denial or not in touch with reality or something. I am happy and it is hard to see how many people are not. I think one of the reasons that I am happy is because I had a horrible relationship in my life for about 4 years and I was always worried about the other person's needs and always put myself last. Well, through the course of some very difficult circumstances and decisions I cut that person out of my life. I then took care of myself and put my needs first. I know that might sound incredibly selfish, but we have only one chance at this life thing and I want to enjoy it. I do care about my close personal friends and relationships and I would do anything for them. I am just at a point in my life that I will not allow people who are full of drama and bitterness around me. I would never turn my back on my loved one's either if they were going through a hard time. It is a fine balance.
I also have to say thanks to my supporters of my book and blog. I hope that 2010 is happy for you. As crazy as this year is going to be for me I don't take it lightly that you support me.
I am going to switch gears and share something that is a little more serious. I probably should have made this a different post. I have been reading a lot of posts on FB and other people's blogs and just in general listening to people. It is sad to listen to all the unhappy people. I don't mean that in a rude way, but there are a lot of unhappy people out there. I guess I am really lucky because I am normally pretty happy. I have my struggles every day like everyone, but over all I wake up looking forward to life. Even people I consider very close to me that post that they want to be happy in 2010. I sometimes think either I am living in denial or not in touch with reality or something. I am happy and it is hard to see how many people are not. I think one of the reasons that I am happy is because I had a horrible relationship in my life for about 4 years and I was always worried about the other person's needs and always put myself last. Well, through the course of some very difficult circumstances and decisions I cut that person out of my life. I then took care of myself and put my needs first. I know that might sound incredibly selfish, but we have only one chance at this life thing and I want to enjoy it. I do care about my close personal friends and relationships and I would do anything for them. I am just at a point in my life that I will not allow people who are full of drama and bitterness around me. I would never turn my back on my loved one's either if they were going through a hard time. It is a fine balance.
I also have to say thanks to my supporters of my book and blog. I hope that 2010 is happy for you. As crazy as this year is going to be for me I don't take it lightly that you support me.
December 30, 2009
2009 Was A Good Year
This has been a good year for me. I had my 3rd knee surgery that was very successful and I am having no problems from it. I also had a horrible foot injury right after that healed very nicely. I am more close to my family now than I ever have been. I think my book might be freaking my mom out a little. She is doing the best she can. Of course, I blog about how much I love my friends all the time and nothing has changed there. I love how much time I do get to spend in California because of the book.
Not everything has been a bed of roses. I have had my share of trials and tribulations as well. I have found not putting my entire focus on that stuff has helped me stay happy. As I blogged about in one of my very first blogs being played was an uncomfortable situation for me this year, but I have since considered the source of that situation and blame myself for most of it. I should have trusted myself and not given into emotion or bullshit. We all live and learn.
I really don't believe in new years resolutions, but I have been reminded that I need to change a few things. The first one being that I say "fuck" too much. I say it a lot so I am going to do my best to not use the word as much. (I will not succeed at this I am sure of it) The other major thing that I am going to stop doing is something that my power suit consultant wants me to stop doing and that is I drink to much soda. I love it. It is my worst habit and I decided that will be the habit I try to kick starting now. I have decided to do something else that I have always wanted to do. I decided that I am going to start training for the Chicago Triathlon. I have already ran the Chicago marathon so the triathlon is next on my list of things I want to accomplish. I will have absolutely no time for this in 2010. That will keep me even more focused.
On the book front, I leave for LA in a few weeks with a lot of stuff to do. I am sort of in shock knowing at the end of 2010 I will be an author with a book in bookstores. That really excites me. 2010 could be very interesting for me. Hopefully, I will successfully complete the triathlon, maybe I will reside on the west coast, maybe I will be a dominatrix for fun. Who knows, but the sky is the limit. I know my entire life will change in 2010. Part of me is nervous, but most of me is so excited just to enjoy the journey!! Happy New Year!!
Not everything has been a bed of roses. I have had my share of trials and tribulations as well. I have found not putting my entire focus on that stuff has helped me stay happy. As I blogged about in one of my very first blogs being played was an uncomfortable situation for me this year, but I have since considered the source of that situation and blame myself for most of it. I should have trusted myself and not given into emotion or bullshit. We all live and learn.
I really don't believe in new years resolutions, but I have been reminded that I need to change a few things. The first one being that I say "fuck" too much. I say it a lot so I am going to do my best to not use the word as much. (I will not succeed at this I am sure of it) The other major thing that I am going to stop doing is something that my power suit consultant wants me to stop doing and that is I drink to much soda. I love it. It is my worst habit and I decided that will be the habit I try to kick starting now. I have decided to do something else that I have always wanted to do. I decided that I am going to start training for the Chicago Triathlon. I have already ran the Chicago marathon so the triathlon is next on my list of things I want to accomplish. I will have absolutely no time for this in 2010. That will keep me even more focused.
On the book front, I leave for LA in a few weeks with a lot of stuff to do. I am sort of in shock knowing at the end of 2010 I will be an author with a book in bookstores. That really excites me. 2010 could be very interesting for me. Hopefully, I will successfully complete the triathlon, maybe I will reside on the west coast, maybe I will be a dominatrix for fun. Who knows, but the sky is the limit. I know my entire life will change in 2010. Part of me is nervous, but most of me is so excited just to enjoy the journey!! Happy New Year!!
December 27, 2009
Practice Makes Perfect
We all say we have the best group of friends in the world. I hear it all the time. This is my best friend, but then 6 months later the people that said that aren't even friends anymore. Well, I am going to say it and mean it. I really do have some of the greatest friends. I know what it means to have people in my life that are loyal and trustworthy.
My best friend is not only loyal, but funny as hell. I have been friends with him for about 9 years. Things weren't always great. We actually couldn't stand each other when we first met. He thought I was a bitch and I thought he was a bitch and some how we worked that out. lol I am not really a "feelings" type of girl. I don't need to tell people how I feel every 5 minutes and talk though issues. That is possibly because I hang out with guys most of the time. If I end up talking about how I feel that means it really is a problem. A lot of things happen in 9 years. From broken hearts to broken doors he has seen it all. The best part about him is that I can be who I want without games or judgement.
The reason I decided to blog about him is because he has a huge place in my book. Sometimes, I think I should have just written my book on the last 9 years of phone conversations and text messages we have had. There is not a conversation that goes by without us talking about sex or something along those lines. We have had a lot of talks about some of the craziest shit. We live by one rule. Everything goes if you want to say it or ask it then by all means don't hold back. I tend to do a lot more asking then telling but nothing is off limits.
His response to me if I want to try something new is "just practice"... If I would practice all the times he has told me that I would possibly have to quit my job. lol I think having a friendship like this one has helped me be more fun and open about things most people don't talk about. So, when I become a master at the latest skill I am practicing I will let you know. It should be interesting. So, thanks Michael for making our friendship real, fun, and entertaining.
My best friend is not only loyal, but funny as hell. I have been friends with him for about 9 years. Things weren't always great. We actually couldn't stand each other when we first met. He thought I was a bitch and I thought he was a bitch and some how we worked that out. lol I am not really a "feelings" type of girl. I don't need to tell people how I feel every 5 minutes and talk though issues. That is possibly because I hang out with guys most of the time. If I end up talking about how I feel that means it really is a problem. A lot of things happen in 9 years. From broken hearts to broken doors he has seen it all. The best part about him is that I can be who I want without games or judgement.
The reason I decided to blog about him is because he has a huge place in my book. Sometimes, I think I should have just written my book on the last 9 years of phone conversations and text messages we have had. There is not a conversation that goes by without us talking about sex or something along those lines. We have had a lot of talks about some of the craziest shit. We live by one rule. Everything goes if you want to say it or ask it then by all means don't hold back. I tend to do a lot more asking then telling but nothing is off limits.
His response to me if I want to try something new is "just practice"... If I would practice all the times he has told me that I would possibly have to quit my job. lol I think having a friendship like this one has helped me be more fun and open about things most people don't talk about. So, when I become a master at the latest skill I am practicing I will let you know. It should be interesting. So, thanks Michael for making our friendship real, fun, and entertaining.
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