I Am That Girl

We all know the girl I am talking about.. The loud obnoxious one that throws herself at people especially men. We watch her in social settings (god forbid if there are cocktails involved) and she is really annoying and she seems a little desperate for attention. I have blogged many times before that I don't really hang out with a lot of women for a number of reasons. The main reason is because I really don't trust them. Every time I allow myself to get close to women I always get burned. There are a few exceptions to the rule, but for the most part I will probably always be this way.

The reason I am even blogging about this is because I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine and he said that he considered me one of the "boys." At first, I thought that was cool and then I thought that is actually a big problem. I do have a lot of male friends and I often handle situations like most men.. I don't talk about it and live in denial. Most importantly, I act like nothing is wrong. lol

Until recently I was fine with all of this. However, in my recent past I caught myself in a social situation where I was that girl. I know full well that the man that I was throwing myself at isn't a man that could reciprocate those feelings. I found myself doing things that made me look desperate and to be honest kind of lame. I learned that I shouldn't be allowed to have a phone in some situations and my text messaging should be disabled. haha At first, I think I might have felt a little embarrassed then reality set in. I found that making yourself look desperate and needy is worse then being embarrassed.

I started thinking am I really that girl or are there certain people that bring this out in us. I am not sure that I have made the decision yet, but being the loud and crazy one kind of makes me want to puke. So, I guess I better figure it out. I think sometimes we want what we shouldn't have and maybe that is the attraction that makes us as women throw ourselves at people that we normally wouldn't. I sure the fuck don't know, but I know that being that girl is gross.