ULTIMATE GUYS NIGHT OUT

ULTIMATE GUYS NIGHT OUT!!

june 15 is the kickoff for a new wednesday night at atmosphere
the men of fierce casting will be taking the stage
for the new weekly wednesday night ultimate guys out party
come join the hottest men rocking the stage
european superstar georgio makes his grand return to atmosphere after a year
hot body builder johnny blazing is coming in from wisconsin to entertain and wow the crowd inhis atmosphere debut
Professional bodybuilder rocky will be making his atmosphere debut not only does he have the body of a greek god but he is an amazing performer

and on the turntables
the legendary milty evans (v-live, jackhammer, cocktail, former boom boom room resident) will be playing an amazing array of music to keep everyone dancing and feeling good.

no cover, cheap drinks, hot men and hot music.
come on out and let atmosphere show you a good night
starting wednesday night june 15th 10pm-2am

Atmosphere Bar
5355 N Clark St
Chicago

Don't Miss A Night Full Of Sexiness...THE WAR PARTY

Sunday, May 29 at 9:00pm-May 30 at 4:00am
V Live
2047 N Milwaukee AVe
Chicago


Frankie Knuckles and david harness are gonna rock the house


THE HOTTEST PARTY IN CHICAGO
THE HOTTEST DJ LINE UP MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND
...AT V-LIVE
3 ROOMS OF INSANITY, MUSIC, MODELS, ADULT FILM STARS, MALE AND FEMALE GO-GO DANCERS, FASHION MODELS, FILM STUDIOS, AND VERY GOOD TIMES!

CHICAGOS FINEST,
THE GODFATHER OF HOUSE MUSIC
FRANKIE KNUCKLES
He’s universally credited as a pioneer of dance music and was famously crowned “The Godfather of House Music” for his role in creating modern dance music’s global DJ culture.
Frankie Knuckles' musical legacy is represented through his DJ sets, remixes and original productions. With over 30 years behind the decks of the hottest clubs in the world, hundreds of remixes for big-name and underground artists, three full-length albums, multiple mix-cds and dozens of singles, Frankie's track record is second to none.

DAVID HARNESS (SAN FRANCISCO)
David Harness is one of the most popular DJ/producers in the San Francisco Bay Area club scene. He has been described as "a man who lives, breathes and emanates everything that is beautiful about house music.

B-96 MIX-MASTER LOUIE LOOP
a Chicago based DJ/Producer. LOUIE LOOP is an original, fast paced DJ complete with vinyl tricks, flawless mixes, incredible scratching sure to get any crowd hyped and begging for more! LOUIE LOOP has been a big part of the club and rave scene for many years. His fierce set consists of a flawless mixture of House, Progressive House and some of the best pounding Tribal House outside of London

DJ ROCKSTAR
HARD ROCK RESIDENT, MAXIM MAGAZINE OFFICIAL TOUR DJ, AND NUMBER 1 MASHUP ARTIST IN THE NATION

MILTY EVANS
LEGENDARY CHICAGO PRODUCER AND CHICAGO MIX-MASTER HE IS A RESIDENT DJ AT BOOM BOOM ROOM CHICAGO'S LONGEST RUNNING LEGENDARY HOUSE PARTY AND HAS HAD MULTIPLE TOP TEN HITS ON THE MOUSE MUSIC CHARTS

HARRY "THE BLADE"
ONE OF CHICAGO'S TOP DJS HE HAS SPUN CROWBAR, THE WAREHOUSE, ELIXER, SHELTER, HOST OF THE MIXSHOW MASTERS IN THE MIX AND THE POWERHOUSE.

RICKY "THE HAMMER" SINZ
REMIXER, PRODUCER, DJ, AWARD WINNING ADULT FILM STAR AND LEGENDARY MEDUSA NIGHTCLUB RESIDENT HIS STYLE OF CHICAGO HOUSE, MASH-UPS, AND SOULFUL FUNKY HOUSE WILL KEEP THE BASS THUMPING AND BODIES MOVING ALL NIGHT LONG.

MICHAEL SERAFINI
GRAMAPHONE RECORDS
THIS LEGENDARY CHICAGO HOUSE DJ HAS BEEN PUTTING OUT TRUE CHICAGO HOUSE FOR MANY YEARS IN ALL THE MAJOR CHICAGO VENUES WHEN HES NOT ROCKING THE VINYL HES SELLING IT AT GRAMAPHONE RECORDS

VICTOR R
LEGENDARY CHICAGO HOUSE DJ, REMIXER AND PRODUCER

HOSTED BY
MICHAEL BRANDON
AND DAVE MEDUSA

PARTY WITH THE BAD BOYS AND GIRLS FROM THE ADULT INDUSTRY
MALE AND FEMALE GO-GO DANCERS PROVIDED BY
FIERCECASTING.COM

Is Blood Thicker Than Money?

It has been a very long time since I have spent any time on my blog and I thought it was about time to let people know what is going on in my life. So, here it goes I feel like I have so much to share that it is hard to know where to start.

I guess I will start with a brief update on what is happening with my knee. Well, most people who follow this blog know me personally some of you know me in a biblical sense lol know that I had the knee surgery from hell last May. I had a tissue transplant and after 4 surgeries I can honestly say that it was one of the most painful things I have been through. It has been about 9 months and I have had intense physical therapy and seen the doctor countless times with a concern that my right foot keeps falling asleep. Well, after more testing and all that stuff the doctor determined that the surgery didn't work and I need to have another knee surgery. I know that it sounds simple, but I don't think my body can take having surgery like that for a 3rd year in a row. I can honestly say it makes me sad to think that I need to have surgery #5 on this knee. The surgery and recovery affected me as much mentally as physically. So, for right now I am just trying to decide when the right time to have the surgery will be.

Another thing that people who know me personally also know about me is that I don't easily trust people. This can be a good quality it can also be curse. I have shared on posts in the past that I am extremely independent almost to a fault. I find it easier to not let people know the real me or let people know how I am "really" feeling. I am not really a feelings type of gal. Well, with that being said I knew when I took on this book project that people would come from everywhere looking for a free handout. I wasn't sure what that would be like for me until it happened. I feel like I have had to take everything off of the Internet with my real last name attached to it because people can be ruthless when they think you suddenly got some coin. Let me also say that the person who has been asking me for money is a family member that hadn't talked to me even at large family gatherings for over 12 years. The funny thing is that I haven't ever discussed financials about my book with anyone who is not working on it. I talk to my best friend about everything and it has never been a conversation. I think money conversations need to stay private and unless you are paying my bills you don't need to know. I'm not so naive to think that stuff like this wouldn't happen, but I am not in the business to support others. The way I see it you write a book and see how hard it is to try to stay disciplined enough and inspired to keep writing when dumb ass people are coming from every direction. I would give someone money if they really need it, but I will not give money to anyone that has lived a completely reckless life and thinks that society owes them something.

Here is the reason for that story...I think since that happened I have been dragging my feet on the whole book thing and I really had to decide if it was something I wanted to do. I wasn't sure if all the bullshit from family about money, sexuality, and religion was worth it. I had a hard time deciding, but here is my decision I will keep working on my book. I have spent the last half of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 getting rid of all the people who aren't bringing happiness and joy to my life. It is sad to me that people's true colors really shine through when things go well for you. I think when things go bad people try to be very sympathetic and when things are going well or have the potential to go well people can be horrible. I am strong enough to deal with it all, but I am not letting family, friends, or strangers for that matter get to me anymore. I feel like by not working on my book for a little bit I was only punishing myself and the few people who want to see me succeed. Let me back up and say I realize that all relationships and friendships have hard times and take some work, but if you are someone who has been dragging me down the unhappy road and I haven't talked to you in a significant amount of time you now know why.

I have to say that I really do love the material in my book. (I don't need more by the way) The content is fun, a bit sexual, and pushes the limits on things and I wouldn't want it any other way. I feel relieved to honestly share how I have been feeling and what has been going on.

Love This!!

Being That Religious Girl

The town I was raised in is very conservative. The only thing that the town has to offer is a few collector cars, Walmart and multiple churches. The town over from the one I grew up in has a large number of KKK members, so needless to say the culture isn't very diverse in many ways. I think out of boredom is how I got involved in the whole church thing. Well, being bored was only part of it also being invited to go to church by a very cute boy didn't hurt.

It is funny how religion works. They reel you in by being nice and showing you the accepting side of religion. I happen to come from a baptist background, but as I got more familiar with other "conservative christians" I soon realized that it didn't matter what denomination a person was from. I can tell you this from my experience, I fully believe that I was in a cult and it took some time for me to sort of deprogram my brain. When you believe an entire set of rules and guidelines and after many years realize that the belief system is full of hypocrisy it takes some time to figure out who you are.

I started to get heavily involved in church or god when I was in high school. My family only went to church on the religious holidays like Easter or Christmas. So, I was doing the church thing at first because I had a crush on the cute boy that invited me to god's house. I would say after about a year I was a jesus recruit and I was so involved in church that my grades were slipping at school and I actually quit the basketball team. I told my parents that I didn't want to play basketball because of a knee injury that I had, but really I just couldn't get enough of god and his people. I loved going to church and being around like minded people. For those of you who know me now, probably find it a little shocking that I could have been so much into god. I think looking back at it now the transformation was obvious nothing mattered to me except the lord and if you didn't go to church I thought you were the most horrible person in the world. Now, my family wasn't very religious so this caused some friction in my home life. They watched a good student and athlete give up everything to follow the lord. That was only high school, it only progressed into something much more.

I was at church 4 or 5 days a week. I was involved in every group I could be in just so I could be there. I have had multiple bibles in every translation for every occasion. I don't think people realize that they are getting brainwashed until they are out of the situation. As I said previously, they now their shit. These people reel you in with kindness and compassion and try to love like jesus would. That lasted for me for about a year. Remember I was a pagan and I needed saved so they "loved" me until I accepted jesus into my heart. Things would soon change and I wasn't so loved anymore. For me the church people I know have turned out to be some of the most judgemental and rude people I know. When a person is as involved in religion as much as I was you end up and make no decisions for yourself. I would justify every thing the church (as a group of people not a building) did to me as love when actually it was just power.

I was soon confronted about everything. I didn't pray enough, I didn't give enough money to the church. The biggest one is my biological father was abusive. The same people who reeled me in with love would indoctrinate my brain with bible verses that if I didn't forgive my dad that I wouldn't be a complete person and if I couldn't forgive my dad that there is no way I would be a good parent. That is only the tip of the iceberg as far as confrontation. I do believe that there were good people in the church, but what I experienced was something that basically beat me down as a human being. The church was trying to tell me that it was my fault that I was abused by my dad. They were so busy being all up in every one's business and saving souls, I think they forgot to practice what they preach.

One would have thought that I would have seen the obvious, but I didn't. I carried on and let them keep abusing me. I made a decision at that point to take this religion thing to another level. I decided to go to bible college. At this point in my life, all I knew was bibles, hymns, and prayer. Who was I praying to anyway? Would jesus really approve of my judgemental ways? I would ponder these things often. I moved to Chicago from the very small town I grew up in. I thought I would go to bible college, graduate, and save souls somewhere in the world. I would soon realize that my life would be turned upside down. I mean that way in the best way.

Keep in mind I moved to Chicago with very little money, but I knew that if I just had faith some how god would provide. I think what happened next would be one of the best things I could have ever happened to me. I decided to get a job and I happen to get a job in retail (like a lot of my peers) now for those of you that have had any sort of culture in your life, know where this story is going to go. I did in fact believe that god would provide, but I also knew that money didn't grow on trees. The job I would get and the people I would meet would be the best thing that ever happened to me and for me. As we all know, retail does in fact have a lot of gay men that work there. I met tons of them. I never tried push my religion down their throats. I was still very involved in church and bible college. It was fun for me to actually meet people who just liked me for me. I didn't have to have live this whole life of being the good christian girl. It was fascinating to me that I could just be liked without all the requirements. As time went on I developed a very close friendship with one of my gay managers and I was starting to slowly see that there was a bigger world out there then the bubble I had been living in for several years.

When you go to the bible college that I went to you must sign a code of conduct form and there are a lot of rules. Please I couldn't even wear pants and my skirts had to be at my knee. I started breaking a big rule though. There is a rule that if you aren't married, you must live on campus. At the time, I started to realize how brainwashed I really was. I was also finding that as I developed friendships with people at my job that I wasn't normal they were. I started to hate school and stay over at my gay friends apartment everyday. I did get in trouble for this from the dean of students and eventually I was forced to withdraw from school for my sinful behavior. I have to say this...I am so happy that I broke this rule. Bible college was many years ago and I don't talk to any of those people anymore, but the same gay friend that I spent all the time with over all these years is still one of my closest friends.

So, why did I share that very long story? The reason is because I have been on both sides of the fence so to speak on this issue, but I would not be the person I am today without this happening. I have found that I sure as fuck will never follow a religion that teaches hate and intolerance.I am no longer involved in any of it and I am happy to report that I am actually happier now then ever before. So, this is fundamental to who I am as a writer. I sometimes I over think things because I NEVER want to judge someone the way I was judged.

It Was Only Sex

I have been thinking lately about some of my past "hook-ups" and really had an eye opening experience. I have stated many times that I hang out with a lot of guys and generally I think very similar to them except for a few things. I think this is one of those times or situations where women process things very differently then men. Don't get me wrong I have gone to bars or out and about looking for the same thing every guy or girl looks for.

Let me explain, we all have different motives or reasons for going out each time we decide to walk in a bar or club. Sometimes, we go out just to hang out with friends and to have a good time. Other times we go out to have sex or hook-up. There is a whole thought process behind what the motive is. If we are just going out with friends with no motive other then just to have a good time there is a lot less pressure. If we are looking to get some booty, we all know that takes some work. Not only do you have to look your best and feel your best, you have mentally prepare to be on your A Game. It is almost exhausting at times.

As I said a few posts back about being "that girl" is the reason I am really blogging about this. I had a huge wake up call that made me think about what I am really looking for. So, it is no secret that the boys that I tend take home from bars aren't exactly relationship material. I know that about them and they know that about me well most of the time. I found myself playing the same game as them. Usually, when you play a game there is a winner and loser unless the "rules" are discussed ahead of time. There is a certain skill set needed to keep up this game to. These boys are professional at what they do and trust me I thought I was good at the game until I was burned at it.

We all live and learn, but this lesson was a hard one for me to learn. It was really hard for me to understand why none of these guys ever really liked me. I think on a platonic level they all liked me, but that is all they ever thought. Sounds a little debbie downer, but I am not upset about it. I am glad I realized it now. They only ever wanted one thing and usually I wanted the same thing, but a couple of things happened that made me realize there is clearly something lacking and frankly I deserve to be happy just like everyone else.

So, I am not a kiss and tell type of girl, but this will be something I will never forget. I was out in a bar and a guy I know (biblically if you will lol) not only called me the wrong name once, but twice. The worst part of the whole situation is that it wasn't even the same name. There was definitely some confusion about who I was. Sounds funny until I really thought about it. Clearly, that was the moment when I thought to myself this is the exact problem. I have allowed these guys to do this for so long that it just seemed normal. Don't get me wrong a few years ago when it first started I was in a place where I was dealing with something and I wasn't looking for any sort of commitment or intimacy on any level. Maybe, that is what I needed to get through that. That was just the first thing that happened... the second one happened right after that and that is when I knew it was time to change some things. The second situation was with someone I do consider a friend, but none the less it still felt the same. Again, I would say that I know the second person better then the first, but it is all the same thing. The only problem with second scenario I was called the correct name, but kind of put in my place that it was only sex. I think after the fact I always knew that it was only sex, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. Let me back up and say the second person didn't just happen actually it was something I was not really ever interested in or considered. It took some pushing from my friends and some sweet talking from the guy. I ended up and was that girl and fell for it. Trust me I was fed some of the best lines and bought them all. I won't get into all of that because really it isn't the guys fault it was mine for allowing it. I knew deep down what it was all about, but I refused to see it. Remember I hang out with boys all the time. I was told by those close to me from the get go.

I guess the reason I am even sharing this is because this is the "moment" I think all those decisions have helped me get over this thing I was trying to run away from. I think that having men make you feel insignificant and not remember your name is a huge wake up call that I deserved something better. I have found that as you will read in my book I am becoming a better writer because of this. I know that I am an amazing person who made some poor guy choices, but if it weren't for some of those choices there would be no book. I am on an exciting journey with this book and everyday I learn so much about being a better writer and just being honest with myself.

Does size really matter?

Hell yes size really does matter. Can it really be too big? Is there really any purpose for a big one besides scaring me. lol I know you think I am talking about a penis, but really I am talking about nipples..

I enjoy boobs don't get me wrong.. Nothing is better than a man with nice pecks or a woman with beautiful boobs, but big nipples freak me out. In my close group of friends we call that bologna nips. I don't get it. I think I have a real phobia about it. I feel like if I can't cover my nipple with my finger it is too big.

I am not talking about bitch tits on men either.. I could care less about that. I mean the actual nip. I kind of get creeped out when men have their shirts off and want to hug with a bologna nip. I know they aren't going to bite me, but if I can breast feed off your man nip it needs to stay away from me. I think I have a disorder about it. lol

There is so much more about nipples that freak me out. For instance, why do women wear bras that show their nipples? For me it doesn't matter if it is a man or woman a big nipple is a big nipple. Please cover them. I know that I am being silly, but I think that I really need help with this. I have been doing my usual asking around about this matter, and I think that I am not the only person that gets creeped out. Most people just laugh when I ask them about nipples.

I think that is why I love my book so much. I think most of the text will just make people laugh although they will relate to what I am saying. I love not being afraid to talk about crazy stuff. Trust me when my book comes out nipples are a mild subject.

Summer 2010

I can honestly say this has been a very trying summer for me. There are just those times in life when the phrase that stuff that doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. To be honest, after my surgery and my Grandmother passed away at the beginning of the summer I didn't think it could get much worse.

I have to say that having the knee surgery that I had took a mental toll on me. I was pretty isolated from most people for a couple of months. I found that it was actually getting a little depressing. I found myself shocked by some people who really did help me through it and I was equally as shocked by people who didn't. Then, only a few days after my surgery my Grandmother passed away. I know she is in a better place.

I thought after some time had passed I was ready to move forward and keep working on my book. The book seemed to be the only constant thing that I could look forward to except for a few close friends that stuck by my side. Those friends know who they are and I could never thank them enough for their love and loyalty. One other thing happened this summer that I am not sure that I will fully recover from, but I am going to do my best to move forward and not focus on what happened. I will spare the details, but in a nutshell I was deeply hurt by a family member. Almost, on an unforgivable level. I refuse to be bitter and angry, but it is really hard to just watch everyone do nothing about it. I feel like this person will never know how deeply I was hurt and I hope that this person never feels they way they made me feel. I think all in all my confidence was rocked pretty hard this summer.

Something really great happened out of the craziness. I have changed a couple of things about my book and made it more marketable to an even bigger audience. I have taken the book in a bit of a different direction and I love the way it is going now. I do have to clear up some things about my book. I have been asked a lot of questions about my book. I am not sharing the title right now. Soon I will be able to do that. The book is very raw. The book is written how I talk not how my book team talks. Those of you who know me know that I enjoy using profanity and don't mind talking about things that make most people uncomfortable.. Sex, religion, boys, girls.. As I have blogged many times before I make no apologies about who I am especially as a writer. With all that being said I decided that I am going to blog again today about something more fun.. So get ready.. my next post won't be so matter of fact.

I Am That Girl

We all know the girl I am talking about.. The loud obnoxious one that throws herself at people especially men. We watch her in social settings (god forbid if there are cocktails involved) and she is really annoying and she seems a little desperate for attention. I have blogged many times before that I don't really hang out with a lot of women for a number of reasons. The main reason is because I really don't trust them. Every time I allow myself to get close to women I always get burned. There are a few exceptions to the rule, but for the most part I will probably always be this way.

The reason I am even blogging about this is because I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine and he said that he considered me one of the "boys." At first, I thought that was cool and then I thought that is actually a big problem. I do have a lot of male friends and I often handle situations like most men.. I don't talk about it and live in denial. Most importantly, I act like nothing is wrong. lol

Until recently I was fine with all of this. However, in my recent past I caught myself in a social situation where I was that girl. I know full well that the man that I was throwing myself at isn't a man that could reciprocate those feelings. I found myself doing things that made me look desperate and to be honest kind of lame. I learned that I shouldn't be allowed to have a phone in some situations and my text messaging should be disabled. haha At first, I think I might have felt a little embarrassed then reality set in. I found that making yourself look desperate and needy is worse then being embarrassed.

I started thinking am I really that girl or are there certain people that bring this out in us. I am not sure that I have made the decision yet, but being the loud and crazy one kind of makes me want to puke. So, I guess I better figure it out. I think sometimes we want what we shouldn't have and maybe that is the attraction that makes us as women throw ourselves at people that we normally wouldn't. I sure the fuck don't know, but I know that being that girl is gross.

The Baby And The Blog

Clearly I have been lacking with this blog, it really isn't because of not having the time. I am not going to lie... I have been in a place mentally that I just wanted to stay under the radar. I don't know that staying under the radar is even possible considering I am writing a book, but I just needed to take time to figure some things out. Most things are figured out some of them are not, but all in all things are getting better. The book (I think I should call it the "baby" because I love it so much) is amazing. I have been blessed by getting some new software for my computer that makes the process go faster. It was a lot of fun to train my computer to recognize my voice. Yes my computer understands profanity...that was my favorite part to train it to do.

I normally don't share what blogs I read or join. Fuck, I can't even keep up with my blog, but I really think all of you would enjoy my friends blog! She is an amazing artist and not to mention a really cool person. She keeps it real and to some it might be out there, but to me it is brilliant. So check it out!!! It has a kiddo warning for a reason.

http://www.eraserhappy.blogspot.com/

Thanks For All The Warm Thoughts

First, I wanted to say thank you to all of you for all your warm thoughts for my family during the past few weeks. Those of you who know me know my Grandmother passed away earlier this month. June has been a rather difficult month for me and my family, but we are making it though the difficult time.

I think I just needed to stay off the radar the past few weeks and not push the limits on things. Honestly, I have been sad. I needed some time to process life I guess.

I am not going to share all the details about what happened, but Grammy was an amazing woman. One of the things that I will miss about her the most is how easy she was to talk to. I could talk to her about anything and I do mean ANYTHING! Again, thanks for all the love!!

I Wish I Never Went To The Titty Chop Shop

This blog will be divided into 3 parts.. I should make 3 different posts, but I haven't been that faithful to this blog so lets start with one that sums up it all up. :)

Part 1 The Titty Chop Shop

Recently I was going through old photos and couldn't believe what I was seeing. About 75% of the photos people were touching my boobs. Now, what is interesting about this that my boobs used to be double the size they are now. It is true I had them chopped down. They were huge and causing me some issues. I love to run and getting a black eye while jogging wasn't what I had in mind. I am just being silly when I talk about it, but the truth is I really did want to run a marathon and the boobs were a problem. I decided several years ago that I would get them reduced and it would be a lot more comfortable. At the time I thought it was the best decision I ever made about my body. I did run a marathon and couldn't have done it with the old "girls." Now, looking back I think I should have used them for financial gain before the hacksaw came out. Don't get me wrong my boobs could still be used for the greater good lol, but the old ones could have had their own marketing strategy. This is more or less the silly part of my post, but I guess the reason I am even sharing this information is because when I made the decision I was just coming out of a crazy religious cult and never thought about using my tits to make money. Now, that I have completely changed I wonder if I would have made the same decision. I know I could make them bigger like they used to be, but frankly I am a little tired of surgery and recovery.

Part 2 My Book Update

I LOVE my book. I know I say it all the time, but it is really a fun project to me. I enjoy that it is exactly how I talk and how I think and I am not going to apologize for it. I use profanity in my book. There will be a nude photo or 2 in my book. You never know who I have asked to show some ass in my book. You might just be surprised. The book is planned to have 10 chapters and all the chapters are titled. I think I shared this in a previous post, but I changed the title the last time the editor was in Chicago. The first title I never liked and it didn't really excite me. I wouldn't have bought the book with the lame ass title. So, I was blunt as hell to my editor and said I hate the title and want to change it to..(you thought I was going to spill it) and the editor loved the new title. The thing is that I can change whatever I want with my book because it is mine, but if it is something as big as the title I can't just do that. I report to other people. That happens in business deals!

Part 3 My Knee Surgery Update

So it has been exactly 2 weeks since my knee surgery and things are moving along ok. My knee surgeon warned me that the recovery would be slow because of the type of surgery I was having. Trust me it is slow. I wouldn't say it is boring though. I have plenty of book stuff to do. I have enjoyed sleeping 8 hours a night and taking a nap everyday. I have been blessed by the love and support of my family and close friends. I have had a lunch or dinner date almost everyday. The first week of my surgery was pretty intense. I was sick as hell and couldn't really move. It didn't make for a very nice combination. The surgery was one that isn't done very often and every medical intern and resident from orthopedics was in my surgery. I am all for learning, but I literally got interviewed by almost 15 doctors who were going to be in the operating room that weren't part of the surgery. Finally, I had to say enough was enough. I have some bad ass photos of my knee and it looks like someone took a baseball bat and beat the shit out of my leg. It is really nasty. I have this machine in my apartment that bends my knee at a 60 degree angle for 6 hours a day. The machine is no joke.. The whole surgery thing has given me a bit of a reality check. I took a lot of things for granted. I never really thought about getting my mail, or cleaning my apartment, or taking a shower..but when you can't walk everything changes and it has made me really appreciate being healthy. I did get all my stitches out and that has helped some. I will be on crutches for several weeks and hopefully the swelling will go down and the bruising will get better soon. Now that I am feeling a little better I will try to be more faithful to my blog.

Fucking For Fun Or Fucking For Love

I had an interesting conversation with my mom a couple of days ago about sex. The best part about my relationship with my mom is that I can say or ask anything. Sometimes, she is shocked, but our last conversation was very interesting. I asked her if she has or could have sex with someone she didn't love. Her initial response was "I don't understand how your mind works!" I laughed and she did eventually answer the question. It then made me think even more. I guess writing my book makes me think about things 24/7. That is also why I can't sleep because my mind is going a mile a minute. lol So, the more I thought about this sex thing is it any different if you love the person or not. I think that how I feel about it is much different then most people.

I have been thinking that I am the only one that enjoys having sex with someone I am not madly in love with. I know sex with your significant other is supposed to be this great spiritual experience and maybe because I don't have kids I don't get it. I think that there are those that we enjoy having sex with more then others, but where does love play into. Of course, I have been in both situations and I happen to enjoy both scenarios. I guess when you are in a relationship the sex is familiar and safe. I find that it can get boring at times. I find having sex with someone that you aren't in love with can be a little more wild. I think that people are willing to try things that they normally wouldn't because they don't have to face the person again if you don't want. I think if you are trying something new with your partner and it isn't exactly what you thought there is the embarrassment factor you have to get over.

Now, before you send me crazy comments.. I am not suggesting to go out and screw everyone in sight. I am also not suggesting to practice unsafe sex. I believe that all sex should be safe. I know that everyone has their opinion on this, but I think it depends on how you were raised, where you raised, and what generation you are in.

What's Your Favorite Electronic?

Ok all the people that know me probably think I am going to blog about "sex toys" because lets face it sometimes they can be my favorite. Sometimes there is nothing better than the real thing and sometimes it is all about alone time. As I do enjoy my friend "the rabbit," it has brought me great satisfaction and the best part is it doesn't cheat on me and doesn't require snuggling and chit chat. This really isn't the electronic I am going to talk about though! lol



Here is the electronic that I am talking about!!



This is the electronic that really keeps me happy. I love listening to my favorite music and just escaping reality. I really do think music can change your soul. I have found my ipod to be my best traveling companion and then I don't have to interact with people. I know that sounds rude, but I get tired of being asked to join every organization under the sun, asked to buy every spa package the city has to offer, and buy peanut m&m's from the local school. The peanuts would kill me anyway. It is not that I don't want to help my local school or help save the earth. I just want to join what groups I want when I want. I just find it annoying. I also decided that downloading songs in multiple languages has been a big help. I think it is genius. So, when people start to talk to me in English I just start playing a song in a different language and turn the volume all the way up and look at who is talking to me all confused. Trust me it works!!

Just a small update on the book! As I always say the book is going amazing and damn I will be happy when it is finished. I look forward to a summer of major book writing.