It has been a very long time since I have spent any time on my blog and I thought it was about time to let people know what is going on in my life. So, here it goes I feel like I have so much to share that it is hard to know where to start.
I guess I will start with a brief update on what is happening with my knee. Well, most people who follow this blog know me personally some of you know me in a biblical sense lol know that I had the knee surgery from hell last May. I had a tissue transplant and after 4 surgeries I can honestly say that it was one of the most painful things I have been through. It has been about 9 months and I have had intense physical therapy and seen the doctor countless times with a concern that my right foot keeps falling asleep. Well, after more testing and all that stuff the doctor determined that the surgery didn't work and I need to have another knee surgery. I know that it sounds simple, but I don't think my body can take having surgery like that for a 3rd year in a row. I can honestly say it makes me sad to think that I need to have surgery #5 on this knee. The surgery and recovery affected me as much mentally as physically. So, for right now I am just trying to decide when the right time to have the surgery will be.
Another thing that people who know me personally also know about me is that I don't easily trust people. This can be a good quality it can also be curse. I have shared on posts in the past that I am extremely independent almost to a fault. I find it easier to not let people know the real me or let people know how I am "really" feeling. I am not really a feelings type of gal. Well, with that being said I knew when I took on this book project that people would come from everywhere looking for a free handout. I wasn't sure what that would be like for me until it happened. I feel like I have had to take everything off of the Internet with my real last name attached to it because people can be ruthless when they think you suddenly got some coin. Let me also say that the person who has been asking me for money is a family member that hadn't talked to me even at large family gatherings for over 12 years. The funny thing is that I haven't ever discussed financials about my book with anyone who is not working on it. I talk to my best friend about everything and it has never been a conversation. I think money conversations need to stay private and unless you are paying my bills you don't need to know. I'm not so naive to think that stuff like this wouldn't happen, but I am not in the business to support others. The way I see it you write a book and see how hard it is to try to stay disciplined enough and inspired to keep writing when dumb ass people are coming from every direction. I would give someone money if they really need it, but I will not give money to anyone that has lived a completely reckless life and thinks that society owes them something.
Here is the reason for that story...I think since that happened I have been dragging my feet on the whole book thing and I really had to decide if it was something I wanted to do. I wasn't sure if all the bullshit from family about money, sexuality, and religion was worth it. I had a hard time deciding, but here is my decision I will keep working on my book. I have spent the last half of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 getting rid of all the people who aren't bringing happiness and joy to my life. It is sad to me that people's true colors really shine through when things go well for you. I think when things go bad people try to be very sympathetic and when things are going well or have the potential to go well people can be horrible. I am strong enough to deal with it all, but I am not letting family, friends, or strangers for that matter get to me anymore. I feel like by not working on my book for a little bit I was only punishing myself and the few people who want to see me succeed. Let me back up and say I realize that all relationships and friendships have hard times and take some work, but if you are someone who has been dragging me down the unhappy road and I haven't talked to you in a significant amount of time you now know why.
I have to say that I really do love the material in my book. (I don't need more by the way) The content is fun, a bit sexual, and pushes the limits on things and I wouldn't want it any other way. I feel relieved to honestly share how I have been feeling and what has been going on.
