This is really what I wanted the title of my book to be. It isn't though, so I can post it on my blog. Getting on your knees could imply more than one meaning. It does here as well. lol Don't get me wrong I know that religion and sex are on the "do not talk about list." That makes me want to to talk about it even more. I am getting to the point of this whole process where I realize that everyone isn't going to like what I have to say. Each time I post something I will get an email or 2 or 10 telling me to stop writing my book. The visits from my conservative, religious, closed-minded friends aren't really stopping me either. I was totally brainwashed and I want people to know that life is much more than singing hymns and going to church 7 days a week.
So as I said before getting on your knees could have more than one meaning. I will go the good girl route first and tell you where I am coming from. I think people are getting the impression that I think god is bad and I don't think people should go to church. That actually isn't what I think at all. I don't really get into organized religion. I don't buy into it is this way or you are damned to hell. I do however think that faith is important. I don't think we as humans could survive without some sort of faith in something. My point is who am I to decide that for you. The background that I come from they would make every decision for me. I mean every decision. I think what I learned about myself is that it is much easier to conform then to have a different view on things. I would have probably moved into my old church if I would have been allowed to. This is no joke, I loved being there. I was so caught up in loving god that I would judge everyone around me and honestly I wasn't very nice. Not that I am nice now (haha) I guess if people think I am mean now it is because I don't like any sort of bullshit. I realize that we will always have stupid shit in our lives, but if I detect more than there should be I can be very blunt. So, I guess getting on your knees in this case is really just a representation of prayer to what or who you pray to. I don't think there is a thing wrong with it. I am just not going to have any group tell me how think anymore or who I need to pray to.
The other kind of getting on your knees is exactly what you think it is. The dirty bad girl or boy (because everyone knows that I hang out with boys more then girls) sort of way. This is where my haters will start sending me messages. Those from my past think talking about a blow job is damnation to hell. Well, if talking about it is going to send me to hell. What about actually doing it? Is there something worse then hell? I used to be so shy and wouldn't even say the word shit. So, those who know me from both sides of the world so to speak are a little shocked when I talk. I really don't mean to shock people, but I have found certain subjects are just so taboo. I learned from a friend/mentor of mine who is already an author not to change who I am because people might not like me or might not get me. She said that I shouldn't give a fuck if people are offended that I have enjoyed sex with strippers. She also said if more people would talk about what they enjoy more people would be satisfied. I love her because no matter how crazy or out there my idea is she is fully supportive. Everyone needs a mentor like mine. It makes life a lot more interesting.
March 25, 2010
March 19, 2010
Sometimes You Might Not Like What You See When You Look In The Mirror
The blog title has nothing to do with physical attributes is has to do with who we are on the inside. Actually, who we are at the core. It has nothing to do with how pretty, smart, and skinny we are. The blog will also explain why I took a couple of week break from it. (time had some to do with it, but really I just needed a mental break)
This blog is also in response to a really nice email I got from someone who follows my blog and asked where I have been. The number one thing that I have realized in writing a book the excitement really does wear off. Since, I am not finished with the book I am not sure if this is a permanent feeling or just a rough patch. There comes a lot more pressure and I am responsible to report to people. It is a little scary if the work isn't done and I need to give it to them. I am all for hard work, so that part doesn't bother me. It is the balance thing. I want to have a "life" and spend time with my loved ones. I am still working my career job, and I know at this point every spare moment should be spent working on my book. I am someone who is usually balanced. I have great times with my friends and family, but lately in the back of mind I know time is ticking for deadlines. I am someone who holds a great value in relationships with my close friends and those who are close to me are very supportive. I am just not used to feeling this way.
The other reason I haven't been blogging is because I felt like I was losing myself in the process. That might not make sense to some people, but I will explain. I now have a whole different persona "Becky The Book Girl." What is funny about this is that when you are in the business to sell a product or even more then that yourself to get fans to buy your book it is very easy to lose who you are and get wrapped up in that. I think I sort of lost "Kelly" in the process. The thing is that I have a friend who doesn't sell books, but promotes a whole different world. I would get so irritated listening to all the made up bullshit. Looking at it now, I thought it was being completely false and I found myself doing the same thing. Really, listening to this person was really just listening to myself. I go back to the balance thing who is Kelly and who is Becky the Book Girl? I do believe people come into our lives for a reason and I just was upset with myself that I was judging someone for being dishonest and I was doing the exact same thing. In most businesses you have to promote yourself, but it is a fine balancing act to not lose who you are in the process. So that is why I haven't been blogging. I want this experience to to fun and something I look forward to. I think I am back on track and ready to be silly as ever.
This blog is also in response to a really nice email I got from someone who follows my blog and asked where I have been. The number one thing that I have realized in writing a book the excitement really does wear off. Since, I am not finished with the book I am not sure if this is a permanent feeling or just a rough patch. There comes a lot more pressure and I am responsible to report to people. It is a little scary if the work isn't done and I need to give it to them. I am all for hard work, so that part doesn't bother me. It is the balance thing. I want to have a "life" and spend time with my loved ones. I am still working my career job, and I know at this point every spare moment should be spent working on my book. I am someone who is usually balanced. I have great times with my friends and family, but lately in the back of mind I know time is ticking for deadlines. I am someone who holds a great value in relationships with my close friends and those who are close to me are very supportive. I am just not used to feeling this way.
The other reason I haven't been blogging is because I felt like I was losing myself in the process. That might not make sense to some people, but I will explain. I now have a whole different persona "Becky The Book Girl." What is funny about this is that when you are in the business to sell a product or even more then that yourself to get fans to buy your book it is very easy to lose who you are and get wrapped up in that. I think I sort of lost "Kelly" in the process. The thing is that I have a friend who doesn't sell books, but promotes a whole different world. I would get so irritated listening to all the made up bullshit. Looking at it now, I thought it was being completely false and I found myself doing the same thing. Really, listening to this person was really just listening to myself. I go back to the balance thing who is Kelly and who is Becky the Book Girl? I do believe people come into our lives for a reason and I just was upset with myself that I was judging someone for being dishonest and I was doing the exact same thing. In most businesses you have to promote yourself, but it is a fine balancing act to not lose who you are in the process. So that is why I haven't been blogging. I want this experience to to fun and something I look forward to. I think I am back on track and ready to be silly as ever.
March 5, 2010
Lady Emotions Suck Major Ass
I have had a hard time "feeling inspired" lately. The part about it that bothers me so much is that I have been extremely emotional lately. It's really not my thing to cry about shit. It is not because I think I am a bad ass with no heart. It is because I just make other people feel uncomfortable when I do cry. Let me first say that "lady emotions" has nothing to do with that time of the month. People seem to think that is what I am talking about. I actually took the phrase from one of my gay boys. I am not exactly sure what started it all, but I was just in a funk for a few days. (which seemed like a few weeks)
I think one thing that didn't help was that I had to interview some people for my book. Most of the interviews went great and were a lot of fun. One interview was very uncomfortable and I was a little shocked about it. I felt like the interview that was uncomfortable was several years of frustration and jealousy that came out. Thankfully I have the final say and that mess won't be in the book. I do want other people's perspective in my book, but I think that my whole book has a light hearted fun tone. The interview wasn't fun to say the least. I also think what started the in interview off on the wrong foot is the person I interviewed said they have "feelings" for someone in my past. GROSS!!
On the positive side of things I did get to go to Penny Arcade's book reading and she is simply an amazing person. I walked away thinking she is the type of person I want to be. I think we really never stop changing or evolving, but Penny is so laid back and so supportive of any artist or writer in my case. She gave me so many good ideas. I just need to try them and see how it goes. Things are looking more exciting and it was only a few days I felt "emotional" so hopefully things will keep moving in the right direction.
I think one thing that didn't help was that I had to interview some people for my book. Most of the interviews went great and were a lot of fun. One interview was very uncomfortable and I was a little shocked about it. I felt like the interview that was uncomfortable was several years of frustration and jealousy that came out. Thankfully I have the final say and that mess won't be in the book. I do want other people's perspective in my book, but I think that my whole book has a light hearted fun tone. The interview wasn't fun to say the least. I also think what started the in interview off on the wrong foot is the person I interviewed said they have "feelings" for someone in my past. GROSS!!
On the positive side of things I did get to go to Penny Arcade's book reading and she is simply an amazing person. I walked away thinking she is the type of person I want to be. I think we really never stop changing or evolving, but Penny is so laid back and so supportive of any artist or writer in my case. She gave me so many good ideas. I just need to try them and see how it goes. Things are looking more exciting and it was only a few days I felt "emotional" so hopefully things will keep moving in the right direction.
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